A to Z Blog Challenge - D is for Dreams

D is for Dreams

What are your first thoughts when you read that word? Do you think of your most profound wishes coming true? Do you think of nightmares? Do you think of mystical interpretations?

Where will I go with this topic? I'm still not exactly sure. Let's explore that question together.

I had three stressful, disheartening nightmares/dreams the other night. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't shake the feelings from the first two for a little while. I had to get up and get a drink of water to help wake up a bit more before I could fall back to sleep. Once I finally did fall back to sleep, another, slightly less intense, nightmare awaited me.

In the morning, I analyzed my dreams and the stress inherent in them. I could draw parallels between the content of my dreams and current life issues. Interestingly, theories about what defines the word “dream” and what their function or purpose is are controversial and insufficiently tested. Though the testing that has been done confirms that waking life and dreams are connected; not that most people need testing to confirm that. Think of the alarm clock making its way into your dream as a siren or a loud engine or an annoying person repeating themselves obnoxiously over and over and over until you just want to scream at them to stop....ahem. OK. I'm all right.

Whatever the purpose or function of dreams, however, they sure can be entertaining at times. Beyond that, according to Robert Van de Castle, dreams have sometimes changed the world! Rene Descartes' philosophy of dualism, Frederick Banting's discovery of insulin, Mohandas Ghandi's strategy of nonviolent protest, Marry Shelley's Frankenstein and Robert C Louis Stevenson's The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde were all either inspired by or emerged out of dream experiences!

So, keep those notebooks and pens handy by your bedside! Who knows when one of YOUR dreams could change the world!

A to Z Blog Challenge - C is for Codependency

A to Z Blog Challenge C is for Codependence

 We've probably all heard this term. But how much does each of us really understand about the concept?

 When I first decided to do this A to Z challenge and I brainstormed briefly about what “C” word I should use as a topic, it was a toss up between Codependence, Consciousness and Communication. I decided that, since the topic of codependency involves communication and consciousness – or the lack thereof – I would kill two birds.

 Initially I was very enthusiastic and optimistic about this topic. I've personally done a lot of hard work on myself over the past two years and I had an idea in mind about how to approach the subject. Then I sat down with my copy of Codependent No More - How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie. As I started scanning through the pages and reading over points I had highlighted my first time through the book, some old feelings began to surface; scary feelings of shame, and fear that I might backslide. I suddenly wanted to abandon the subject. Then I realized what a perfect opportunity this was to exercise some of my new found skills.

 When I first read the book, I recognized myself in it. The recommended exercises were more than I could manage at that time, however. And that's OK! We need to acknowledge where we're at before we can change anything. Looking back, I see that the points stuck with me on my journey over the past two years, even though I wasn't referencing the book or even thinking about it consciously. My unconscious mind was hard at work in my service.

 Just what is codependency? According to Melody Beattie, the definition is difficult to nail down because no two codependents are exactly alike. A list of characteristics that are often associated with codependency include caretaking, low self-worth, repression, obsession, controlling behaviors, denial, dependency, poor communication, weak boundaries, lack of trust, anger and sexual problems.

 There is a lot of good information out there. But the three things that I've learned that have helped me most include the concept of owning one's own feelings (which includes detaching from the emotional states of others), letting go of outcomes, and setting boundaries – all things that seemed impossible at first.

 I literally had no boundaries. None. I couldn't comprehend what it even meant to have boundaries. I would read definitions and they didn't sink in. They didn't make sense to me! I also made myself responsible for the emotional states of anyone and everyone. In return, I expected everyone else to be responsible for my emotional states. Because I didn't know what I actually thought about things, I didn't know why I felt certain feelings so strongly. So, I looked to my surroundings and placed blame on those around me, which made me feel guilty. Most of the time I just felt crazy, and there were plenty of people around to confirm that. It was a vicious cycle.

 I would read about the idea of detaching from the emotions of other people whom I loved. I could see the wisdom in it, but I couldn't figure out how to do it unresentfully. I couldn't feel both detached and loving at the same time. It was because I still hadn't figured out how to own my own feelings. I still wanted someone else to be responsible for me. And I also hadn't learned how to let go of outcomes. It felt unfair.

 What does it mean to own your own feelings? It means recognizing that any feeling or emotional reaction we have is about us and us alone. It is not about the other person. We are responsible for investigating the reason for the feelings, finding language to communicate those reasons and discovering what we need to do or ask for to resolve them.

 In return, other people are responsible for their emotional reactions to us – we are not responsible for them. This doesn't free us to be mean or unsympathetic. But it's crucial that we be authentic to ourselves, regardless of any possible “losses.” Tactful authenticity is vital to contentment. Contentment in solitude is vital to connection. It sounds like a contradiction, but I assure you it is not. If you are desperate and needful, you cannot be fully present. And if you cannot be fully present, you cannot genuinely connect.

 My journey continues, but I look back now on my progress thus far and I'm proud of myself. I am enough. And that is good.

 If you want to investigate this topic further, I highly recommend the book Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie. I wish you all the best in your journey!

A to Z Blog Challenge - B is for Brain Plasticity

B is for Brain Plasticity

 Say what? Plastic brains? Who cares?

 Plastic is malleable, adaptable. We've all heard it said, “Use it or lose it.” I remember my high school trig teacher was mortified when I said I wasn't going to attend university. Those were his parting words to me. They have haunted me to a certain extent, to this day.

 Well, apparently it goes both ways. Studies just this past decade have finally shown that adult brains can and do form new neurons – this is an exciting process called neurogenesis. In addition, neuroimaging studies have shown that an area of the brain that receives messages from the fingers on the left hand is enlarged in string musicians who constantly use their left hand to play their instruments. (Elbert et al., 1995) So, like working out at the gym, practicing something diligently literally “pumps up” our brain tissue!

 In response to physical injury, the brain proves itself to be a master of reorganization. Also, it is said that those who are blind can hear more acutely than the average seeing person. This is because the brain “recruits” neurons that would normally be dedicated to visual processing and uses them to enhance verbal processing. Amazing!

 What does this mean for you and I?

 The way I see it, everything in life is a form of art, including the unseen parts of us. We are capable of causing a change in the very structure and size of our brains. This translates to our life experiences as well. As with anything, if it takes effort, it may start out unpleasant. But never let yourself believe that you can't change your thinking patterns, your habits, your whole life for the better. Never tell yourself, “I'm just not smart enough.” You can shape your brain to do the things you really want to do. You're limited only by the extent of your own motivation...and there are tricks for that too. :)

A to Z Blog Challenge - A is for Archetype

The A to Z Blog Challenge Apparently every April there is a widely known A to Z blogging challenge. I became aware of it just last year. This year I've decided to join the fun.

 A is for Archetype

 There is an often described general progression of thought within the community of individuals who enjoy exploring typology theories. Some of these theories include Jungian cognitive functions, Socionics, the enneagram, and simplifications such as “MBTI.” It begins with introduction to the theor(ies). 

This initial dip-of-the-toe into the world of self-discovery and help in understanding the acceptableness of “otherness” is often marked with either eager anticipation or skepticism. But both the over-trusting and the skeptic seem to derive equal pleasure from digging into the nitty gritty details, scrubbing it for all its worth. 

Once people get caught up in the details, the frenzy begins. Much time and energy is expended to take it all in, to make comparisons to personal experience, to find connection between the abstract information of the written world and the mental-social world we inhabit. As with anything, there is a learning curve.

 Some people pour themselves into the descriptions, relating intensely to the newly found jargon that helps give language to their identity. Depending on which book or source of information each individual begins with, elitist mentalities often develop. Many begin using the information to belittle others, making themselves feel superior. Arguments ensue.

 The argument phase leads to further clarification. Those who stick with the search eventually come to realize that it is impossible for the general descriptions of types that circulate to encapsulate the depth and complexity that they attempt to. Some people become disgruntled and highly judgmental of the information as a whole. Though most never lose their interest in the topic.

 I think the word archetype itself, used extensively in the works of Jung, can allay much of the tension in this process. An archetype is a stereotype. That is what it is! Look it up! On Wikipedia under Jungian Archetypes, I find this descriptions helpful: “The archetype is a tendency to form such representations of a motif – representations that can vary a great deal in detail without losing their basic pattern.”

 When going into typology theory, remember that it is impossible for it to be something that it is not. So, save yourself the irritation. Don't expect it to be. You can find patterns that will help you to perhaps understand yourself and others a little better. But you have to be flexible in your understanding of the information. It is not a set-in-stone template of all human nature. The more an author attempts to simplify the information, the less accurate it becomes. If you really want to understand, you need to read a wide array of authors to get the big picture. And a 2-dimensional snapshot “big picture” is all you'll ever get.

I'm Baaaaaaack!

So, remember all those sad, sappy dirges of messages I last wrote up?

No, you say? It's been too long for you to remember? You have a life, you say? Who has time to read all the little whimsical thoughts that pass through my head?

Good.

I am writing this to announce to THE WORLD (er, well, my small readership that's mostly on facebook) that I have reclaimed myself! I am a whole person! I took a cold, HARD look at myself with the right microscope and saw flaws I was only peripherally aware of before, that were blurry and out of focus.

I had some help learning to turn the dials on the microscope properly. And, viola! I can now see where to direct the tweezers and remove the little pieces of junk that don't serve me or my friends, family or acquaintances well.

And you know what else I can see? My value!

*Blows a kiss to you all*

I love you!

Motherhood

Motherhood

Motherhood is seen as such a natural part of life. I mean, what could be more natural than observing and caring for your progeny – little pieces of you; so precious and cute. So, why don't I see it that way?

Motherhood does not come naturally to me. I don't even like the subject. It makes me feel guilty when I see mothers who seem to live for their children. Sometimes I wonder, What's wrong with me? Do I need more time to myself than the average mother, or are we all in the same boat? How can I shift my focus effectively without neglecting my responsibilities or burning myself out?

It is these questions that have led me to investigate the experiences of my peers and their opinions of motherhood. I want to know how much satisfaction individuals feel, what brings them said satisfaction, how they cope with boredom in their role as mother (if they experience it to the extent that I do), how they keep motivated to perform the tasks of life day after day, etc.

Since escaping my own motherhood is not an option, I recognize some interaction with other mothers combined with the mental stimulation of analyzing the data I collect will not only help me gain perspective but it will fill a need I have to be engaged on a level beyond that which can be reached by perpetually cleaning up messes that others have made and listening to whiny voices.

Do I think such a project hasn't been done before? No. I know that it has. But, somehow, reading about strangers and their struggles just isn't as satisfying as connecting with those I actually know or that I've at least met. Maybe you agree. Perhaps I'll entertain or encourage others in the process. Even better.

Let the research begin! Please contact me so I can send you my questionnaire. Thank you!

Lightning Shower

The pregnant air
Pierced by searing light
The broken waters
Of the night
Pounding beats
Rock the still
Pelting coolness
Passion fills
Lend me your passion
Thunder storm
For this, the 8th,
Is in new form
Powerful lover
Join me here
We break the mould
And douse the fear
Walk forward now
Press in close
For up 'til now
I’ve been comatose
Wake me to you
Wake you to me
Rejoin the thoughts
Let the passion free
We’re drenched with nature’s
Cleansing shower
The beauty of our
Three-fold tower
Re-knit the kinship
Of you and me
Happy Anniversary