How to Always Get What You Want

How can you always get what you want? It's simple really. It takes a little modesty (knowing your limits), humility, optimism and a shift in focus.

First, identify your want. Be specific. For example, perhaps you want your mother-in-law to respect your decisions; specifically your decision to stay at home with your children instead of returning to work. This is just an example.

Second, imagine the moment you find yourself face to face with your mother-in-law when she finds out about your decision. You may know from previous conversations with her that she has strong opinions about your family's income. You may start conjuring up reasons, justifications or rebuffs that you hope will get your mother-in-law to see your wisdom and conviction.

STOP!

Here's your chance to make this interaction different than others in the past. It may feel as unnatural as leaning downhill while skiing, but it's just as crucial. That is, recognize your own limitations. Realize you cannot predict or control the reaction your mother-in-law, or anyone else, will have in this, or any other, situation. So, you cannot expect an outcome from the other person's perspective. What you can control are your intentions.

So, the third step is shift from being expectation-oriented to being intention-oriented. Continuing with our example, take some time to make your own intentions known and clear to yourself before a potentially uncomfortable conversations comes up.

Instead of expecting your mother-in-law to respect your decisions, intend to present a respectable explanation of your decision. Intend to remain calm and intend to let anything that is said roll off your back. This way, no matter what the reaction is, you have successfully accomplished your goal!

After you've had some practice shifting your focus, you can go a step further. It may sound old-fashioned, but humility can help you really hear what another person is saying regardless of a harsh exterior. There may be some valuable information in there after all, or maybe there isn't. Either way, humility is a powerful tool to have at your disposal when your goal is getting what you want. You need not be confined by my example. The concept of shifting from expectations to intentions can be applied to almost any situation.

Finally, stay optimistic. Getting what you want takes some discipline and practice. And it's a great deal easier than trying to control situations that are beyond your ability to change.

If this is an interesting idea and you'd like to dig deeper into it and other useful ways to live your life fully, I highly recommend a book called Fearless Living by Rhonda Britten.